All the Single Ladies! (All the Single Ladies!)

So, I was at a friend's house last night and we were channel surfing the deep catacombs of late night TV when we fell upon a show about being a teenage mother. Here are all these young women in relationships with idiots. Sorry, that's as generous as I can be. These men have had children with these young women and refuse to pay for them, help out, or be there for their birthdays. Seriously? WTF is the best I can do here.

Now, if you think I'm about to go off in a "blame the men; all men are jerks" direction, well, you're wrong. It's time to address the ladies.

Women: Do you know how precious you are?! Do you know how dearly loved you are?! Do you know you are the most valuable thing on this earth? That God Himself ended all creation with YOU, and then created no more because FINALLY creation became "VERY GOOD" and not just "Good."? You have been made royalty by the blood of Christ Jesus himself. You are Queens and Princesses - and that's a fact, not an analogy or metaphor - because GOD HIMSELF has said it is so.

I know, I know.. "but if I stick up for what I believe in, or ask to be treated a certain way, people call me a bitch. And that hurts."

"But if I don't, he won't love me anymore.. and I need to be loved. Because not being loved is scary. I don't want to be alone."

"If I'm not with someone, even someone who's not that good to me, then there's something wrong with me. Why else would I be alone?"

"Sex isn't a big deal. Everybody has it. Besides, that's when he's the sweetest to me. And we're gonna get married, so it's okay."


"I feel like I can change him. I feel like God is calling me to help him see the light."


"If I walk away, what happens? Will anyone ever love me again? Is this my only chance at finding someone to share my life with?"


"I have spent so much time, effort, blood, sweat, tears, and my own money in this relationship. If I leave, I have to admit to myself that I knew from the very beginning it wasn't love."
My dear, sweet, beloved sisters in Christ: Jesus said that the man is the head of the woman just as Christ is head of the church. And what did Christ do for the church? He gave up His life for her, so that they could be reunited forever. THAT is God's definition of a man. How could you not LOVE that man?? You are worth waiting for THAT type of man - because they ARE out there. Yes, even cute ones. Not all good men are ugly or nerdy or socially awkward.

Has the man in your life given his life up for you? Let's get specific: is he patient with you or does he get angry when you disagree? Is he capable of sincerely apologizing? Does he protect you.. even from his own family and friends? Does he talk down to you? When you go out, does he make you feel like a burden? Does he like to help people or complain about people? Is he proactive, or does he claim to always be the victim? Does he respect your wishes or requests? Are the things that are important to you (family, friends, job, hobby, religion, taking care of ailing parents, etc.) important to him? Does he make YOU a priority? When you go out, how many times has he paid for you? Does it bother him when you pay for him? Does he insist upon providing for you, or insist you provide for him? (I'm totally aware of people's different financial situations, but you get my point.) Does he insult you or does he encourage you and build you up? Has he ever asked you to leave everything that is important to you without first offering to do the same on his end? How do you feel when you're with him? Peaceful? Calm? Nervous? Anxious? Loved and cherished? Like you're an obligation rather than a blessing? Does he allow you to be who you are and encourage that growth, or does he get frustrated and defensive when who you are challenges him? Does he treat you like the greatest gift he's ever received, or like he could take or leave you?

Sisters, it's okay to expect to be treated with dignity and respect.. in fact, it's the RIGHT way to treat yourself. Have standards. Turn down those who do not meet them. Say no - it will be okay. I know you want to be loved. I know you want to be cherished. I know you want to wake up every morning to a man you can't imagine living without. I wanted those things, too. But our fear of being alone cannot dictate the men we choose to occupy our time with.

You will find as you begin to expect different things from men, you will get them. And if you don't, the man will leave because he won't want to work that hard, be that honorable, sacrifice that much, etc. And that is a reflection upon HIM, not YOU. When that happens, thank God that He simply made the path a little clearer for the right guy to walk down.

Now, I'm not saying men and women aren't equal, or that women can't provide for themselves, or that all men are dogs - because they're not. I cannot stress enough that there are FANTASTIC men out there! I'm just saying that if you're 16 and pregnant and the father of your child doesn't want to help with anything, he's not one of them. All people make mistakes or encounter events that they never imagined would happen to them.. you're not going to find any condemnation or judgement from me on those matters. Lord knows, I'm guilty of just as many mistakes. Let's just speak the TRUTH to each other!

Me and my hubby hiking up Shrine mountain.
Look at it, my friends.
Look at it. 

I have been married for one year to a true MAN. This man loves how I look without makeup more than how I look with makeup. He opens my doors, goes ahead of me on shaky ground, speaks highly of me to his friends and family, and protects me because I am his wife and he needs no other reason. He looks forward to the day I'm big, fat and pregnant so he can talk to my belly. He appreciates what I do for him at home and at work. He doesn't see "his" life and "her" life, he sees "our" life. He flew to California to meet my whole family at once and ask my father for my hand in marriage. He is generous with me. He listens to me. When he doesn't understand, yes, he gets frustrated, but he always comes back and tries again. He thinks I'm smarter than he is. He honors me. He makes up silly songs about me to sing to me in the morning to help get me out of bed. He would swim the seven seas if I asked him to. He serves other people and recognizes the importance of doing so. He supports me in my new adventures (like blogging and becoming organic and crunchy) and is definitely my biggest fan. He prays with me every night before we fall asleep. And I can say, hailing from Yonkers, New York, if anyone tried to "mess" with me, it would take 50+ guys to hold him back and keep him from setting them straight. My six foot three, random, book reading, hiking loving, socially unique, New York Hardcore Kid, homeless people-loving man has made me feel more like a woman than I ever did before. And, ladies, it is not hard AT ALL to love him and all his quirks because I know I am his. He daily lays down his life for mine - without flinching. 


I. 


Love. 


This. 


Man. 


Ladies, if you're not being loved the way you deserve to be loved, leave now. It will hurt and be scary for a little while, but you will never regret it.

Be the beautiful creation God made you to be and wait for the absolutely breathtaking and truly loving, life-laying down men that ARE out there. It will be worth it.

You ARE beautiful. You ARE precious. You ARE smart. You ARE kind. You ARE valuable. You ARE worthy. You ARE supposed to be treasured. 

You.

Are.

Worth.

Dying.

For.

Anyone telling you anything else is lying.